2014 was to be the year of me, by this I mean doing something that I have never done in my entire life, being selfish/putting myself and my needs first. I’ve not been doing too well….
I grew up in a family where the order of importance was, my younger brother (he was one of twins and his twin died of cot death at 3 months of age, he was also a severe asthmatic), my Dads parents and his sisters, my Dads work (we lived all over the world as my Dad was a Diplomat), both my parents would put each other in at this point as priority in each others lives, my Dads music (he played in bands in whatever country we were posted to), both my parents sport, everything else, and then me. I’m not bleating poor me at this, it’s just how it was, as a result I grew up to be a people pleaser, something I hate myself for as I became too good at playing the victim and being passive aggressive in order to have anything how I wanted it. Obviously nothing achieved in this way can be enjoyed and so I spent a large amount of time miserable.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some joyous times, I have a fantastic marriage, wonderful kids etc etc. But I am very bad at looking after me, there isn’t time, headspace, energy to do so. So I thought enough, this year I will put myself first, say no when I don’t want to do things, say yes to the things I do want to do, lose weight, get healthy. We are now over halfway through 2014 and what have I achieved? Not a lot would be the answer.
Stopped drinking alcohol on a daily basis, consumption is now at about 4 units a week, most weeks less.
Stopped smoking, to be fair I stopped almost 2 years ago having got to the point where I was smoking 60 a day and blaming it on stress (there was a lot but it’s no excuse), but I kept on having the odd one, not any more.
So those are good, but I haven’t managed to fit in regular exercise, and as for losing weight pah! We eat a healthy diet, no one else in the family gains weight apart from me! The only thing that works is not eating, which isn’t sustainable for long, so I lose a bit, then start gaining again, I am fed up with it! So, tomorrow I start couch to 5k, let’s see how I do hmm…..